Emotional Reasoning in Relationship OCD

Many clients battling ROCD (Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) are faced with cognitive distortions as they over-analyze their relationship.  A particularly common thinking pitfall around relationships is emotional reasoning.  Emotional reasoning is the belief that just because we think and feel something, then it must be true.

Love is particularly susceptible to the distortion of emotional reasoning because so much of the basis of bonds is attributed to a non-quantifiable sense that someone is “the one.”  In pop culture we celebrate this inherent intuition, this emotions-above-logic paradigm.  Romantic movies depict a sweeping emotional certainty that solidifies into a lifelong bond.

For those with ROCD, emotions may also present as doubt distortions, which can signify that the love is corrupted or lost.  People with ROCD may incorrectly assume that because they “feel” that something is wrong, this must actually be the case.  Emotional reasoning causes a negativity bias about a relationship which defies reality.

While those without ROCD may feel secure in a generally healthy relationship, ROCD sufferers can be in the same relationship and experience a constant state of questioning of the “rightness” of their bond.  Those with ROCD may feel constant insecurity until they feel the relationship is “just right” (usually an impossible goal).

Treatment for ROCD encourages to not always trust our “gut.”  While this may sound counter-intuitive, when we are plagued by the distortion of emotional reasoning, every negative emotion and thought gets elevated beyond just a passing distortion and is given far more power than it merits.

Therapy for ROCD involves sitting in the “gray” of a relationship — understanding that there are no clear answers and that our emotions are not always leading us towards the truth.  We learn that although emotions have value, especially in our relationships, we cannot allow them to be primary to our decision making. 

We must allow ourselves the space and time to process our romantic situations beyond our initial and instinctive reactions. Relationships will thrive when they primarily incorporate logical reflection; those of us with ROCD cannot allow ourselves to be swayed only by love and the avoidance of distress.