Why do us ADHDers get so frustrated when we are interrupted? After all, we are masters at interrupting others...

Parents ask me -- why does my child overreact when I interrupt them? Parents, rightly, point out that the child is always interrupting them.  

So let’s start first with why ADHD kids are constantly interrupting their parents -- an even more stressful topic in the days of virtual working and learning!  ADHDers may lack impulse control.  That means when something bubbles to the surface of our consciousness, they may feel immediately propelled to blurt it out.  Usually, ADHD kids learn to control this instinct in the classroom, where they are mandated to raise their hands and are pretty uniformly admonished to wait their turn.  Parents, however, are more uneven.  

Sometimes parents welcome their child’s interruption -- they miss their child or are in a good mood.  Other times, they might snap at their child.  

This irregularity of consequence and lack of predictability makes it very difficult for ADHD children to develop healthy behaviors around interrupting their parents.  

What about the flip case? ADHDers might have an outburst when interrupted.  In general, emotional regulation in general is hard for ADHD kids -- they tend to have volcanic feelings and more reactivity to common triggers.  

However, being interrupted is particularly frustrating for an ADHDer because of deficits in our working memory.  

Working memory, also known as short-term memory, is basically how many things we can hold in our brain at once.  Studies have shown that ADHDers might only be able to hold a couple things in our working memory at once.  Non-ADHD brains might juggle 4 or 5 distinct threads.

So when we are interrupted, one of our two slots gets dropped and replaced by the person or request in front of us.  

(That is, unless we tune you out, but that is the subject for another blog).  

ADHD kids and adults often cope with our difference by learning to hyperfocus on what we are doing.  We usually have difficulty getting started on tasks, so once we are on track, we learn to hold on ferociously.  Kids subconsciously know that once they are derailed, it will take a lot of willpower to get back at it.  It is frustrating and hard.  

This is not to say that it is OK for your ADHD child to yell when they are interrupted.  This propensity for a big reaction must be dealt with through behavioral modification. However, I believe it is important that parents understand the why.  

In my family practice, I ask that the loved ones of ADHDers also make some modifications.  ADHD kids are working overtime to conform to neurotypical schooling and society -- it is reasonable to ask family members to meet them halfway.  I suggest that parents wait with their requests if they see their easily distractible ADHDer is focused on something productive.   Similarly, I coach parents not to take it personally when their child has a big reaction to being interrupted.   

The frustration is not with the interrupter, it is with our own brains.  For ADHDers, our poor working memory regularly gets us in trouble.  When parents show compassion in these situations, they teach their children to also practice self-compassion.

Learn more about how ADHD Treatment at South Boulder Counseling can help you here.